At the beginning of the year I finally broke down and went to an optometrist to see what in the name of Satan's asshole was wrong with my eye sight.
This is what the world looks like with out my glasses.
So after noticing, hey my right eye looks like someone hooker had a play date with Fred Astaire on my optic nerve and gave my eye some weird type of sexually transmitted disease, I went to the doctor. I had to sit there alone.
Let me explain why I should never go to the doctor alone. Once, when I was first put on birth control I went to the vagina doctor by myself. I was forced to endure getting naked for the exam and the ten minutes of sitting there on the table awkwardly naked waiting for the doctor. I was not given the dignity of a paper robe. Oh no. I got a paper sheet to cover up with. Apparently, the FIFTY paper robes I saw under the cabinet when I was snooping around, looking for shit to take home with me as a souvenir was not meant for me.
They did the whole Friday night ritual of legs up in the air, on your back and breathe deeply as we insert this foreign object into your lady bits. As they were getting done with my down stairs I got up to get dressed. The nurse who I had adequately named Big Sheba Bertha, gently pushed me back and told me to left my arms above my head. She began rummaging around my boobs as if they where a dead jellyfish on the shore that you kind of want to touch but then again you don't want to have your brother pee on your arm or finger if you get stung, but you poke it with deadly force to kill it just in case it is alive.
She stopped on my left boob and repeatedly poked in one spot. She looked at the doctor and by some way of mind reading the doctor came over and felt that same spot where Sheba was trying to dig her way into my lung through my boob. They had found a lump. The doctor gave me a prescription for the birth control and told me to watch it and if it got any bigger to come back.
I sat there as she left so I could cover my used body. A lump. Why would you tell me it was even there if it was nothing to worry about. As soon as I got back home I called my best friend. By the time I got back to the safety of my own home, I was absolutely hysterical. At some point in time he got tired of reassuring me that my boob was not going to fall off and they did not offer robotic boobs in replace of the ones I have if it was something serious. I calmed down after a few hours. Which is why I now use the buddy system for doctor visits.
So, I'm sitting at the doctors office and after the exam she tells me I have Keratoconus. Keratoconus is where the cornea of your eye just gives up. It decided to pussy out on life and deteriorate, leaving your eye practically defenseless against the cruel world. Honestly, if you are grossed out by eyes don't google this shit.
My cornea is a prick.
I was told that in order to help stop the cornea from going MIA completely I needed to be fitted for special contacts. The hard contacts that I was being fitted for were supposed to be ninjas and totally kicked the corneas ass back in line. I had to go to a place that was in the neighboring city to get a corneal scan done.
Here are my scans.
Sorry for the page break. You still like me even
though I'm almost blind right? Right?
Also, I have no fuckin clue what any of those mean.
I just thought you should be as confused as I am.
Not that the scans mattered anyway. Just about three weeks later my cornea hydropped. A corneal hydrop is where the cornea has bulged out so far that it splits and cracks to where fluid can get underneath and scar the cornea. It looks gross by the way. It kinda looks like someone jizzed in your eye and it's a permanent fixture on your eye.
After my eye went into self destruct mode I was referred to a specialist who gave me a prescription for a Muro ointment that would help draw the fluid from my eye, He told me that I would have to have a corneal transplant but the ointment and Riboflavin drops would help ease the pressure in my eye.
Pressure, pushing down on me.
The Riboflavin drops I could handle. It was a pain in the ass to do. I had to go outside once a week for a hour and put these drops in my eye every five minutes that looked like concentrated pee. Every time I was done with these I was sweaty from sitting outside for an hour under the South West Texas sun and look like my eye had jaundice from the yellow pee.
What I couldn't handle was the ointment. Which honestly, before the ointment I had Muro drops. These drops felt like I was macing myself four times a day. I would of preferred to mace myself than put this ointment in my eye. It was like consistency of neosporin. Now lady or men folk, I don't know if this has ever happened to you but I am not here to judge. Imagine if you haven't have this happen to you, someone cumming in your eye twice a day. Just someone running up, whipping their cock out as you hold your eye open and the BAM, man batter all in your eye.
This is what I think porn stars put up with. Everyday they work, jizz in their eyes.
I can see the whites of your eyes clearly.
You poor, poor woman.
Twice a day, every day I was forced to do this. Which is why a small part of me is afraid of blow jobs today. I fear that some how it will all go terribly wrong and I will end up with jizz in my eye and have to relive the traumatic experience with that horrible, horrible ointment. So take care of your eyes, eat your carrots (even though they are gross) and take your vitamins so people don't whip their dicks out and cum in your eye.
