I require adult supervision: Part One

So, I have recently discovered that at the ripe age of twenty-one that I need an adult's accompaniment at all time. I require adult supervision for not only my safety, sanity and general well being but everything, organism and inanimate object in the nearest vicinity.

Example number one: The door knob

It was a dark and stormy night. Well, not really it was just after one in the afternoon and I was tired of my aunt asking me to close the window in my room so her cats couldn't escape. I wouldn't of really minded this but the woman makes me want to terrorize small children. So in my acts of passive aggressive defiance I opened the window more and went out on a quest to find a door knob.

I secured one by taking the knob off of the pantry door. Victory was mine. I would no longer have to suffer the blazing inferno temperatures that the small room I occupied seemed to accumulate during the night.

I set off by first inspecting the knob. I pulled out the middle piece which google search tells me is a dead latch.

I went about installing the door knob from hell. A couple of minutes later secure in the knowledge that I had outsmarted the door, my aunt and the entire damn world, I shut the door.

Suddenly, I knew I had done something wrong. The screws for the handle were installed on the other side of the door and the knob just kept turning and turning. Panic set in my mind. What if I never escaped? What if I had to crawl out the window? What if I couldn't get the window open wide enough to fit my black woman's ass through it?

Luckily for me, I remembered that I live in the modern age of mobile devices that somehow let me communicate with others with out them having to be there.. I called the house phone and luckily my grandmother was kind enough to unscrew my way to safety. I felt like a new person. I was free.

Now that I have reconquered the lock I still look at my door knob with apprehension. I have a gnawing feeling that it is just waiting for me to let my guard down. And suddenly BAM! It will lock me in my room and I will soon come to love the door in a weird Stockholm sort of way. IF THAT HAPPENS HOW WILL I EVER ENJOY THE DELICIOUS TASTE OF COOKIE DOUGH?

I'm watching you door knob. You are a shady character.